Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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