It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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