ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
