I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
