My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
