fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We talked him into tasing himself.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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