saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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