but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
