She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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