The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
