He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
