I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
