but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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