my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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