toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i permit you to call me
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
