ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
