oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
