I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
