and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
