I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize