I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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