Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
