And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
