We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
