did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
