all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
