I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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