Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Is Oprah even human
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
