the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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