Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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