...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
