This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
