How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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