we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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