Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
