You're a womanizer and a bitch.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
