Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
