I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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