Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
