you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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