Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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