I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
