Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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