and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
