tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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