Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
