My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Fuck appropriateness.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
