Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize