You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
