Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
