Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
When are your genitals available?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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