All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
