I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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