I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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