Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I need to sanitize my soul.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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