when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
