I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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