Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
i need some magic done to my vagina
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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