drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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