Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Im part way to drunk.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
