hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
