hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
