If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
