I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
