yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
