Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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