I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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