You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
