If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
