Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize