dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
