After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
