This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
