i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
