I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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