Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
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