24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
