I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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