I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
dude i'm inner monologue high
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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