Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
