Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Oh god it's open bar.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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