I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Congratulations! We have a period
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