I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Never underestimate the power of titties
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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