yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize