Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
