my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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